I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
