youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
