Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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