This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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