If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
