My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize