I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
All the doctor said was why
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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