Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
