mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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