I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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