Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
