She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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