she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Randomize