he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
