Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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