"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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