I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
