sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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