Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
