I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
