cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
