All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
