You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
