this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
