CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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