Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
