How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
