its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize