Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
