Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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