Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize