Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
