Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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