My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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