You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
