No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
