Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
