YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
