I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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