She is in my trunk
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
