And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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