I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
