It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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