fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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