I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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