I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize