Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
