how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
