New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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