I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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