I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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