I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The beers last night were like the tears from god
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
