I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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