I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
