hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
