I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
