I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
