I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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