Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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