Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
