Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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