Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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