It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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