Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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