Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
