also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
