How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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