there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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