I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
