Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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