We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
