i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
