reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
