Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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