Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize