Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
