I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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