There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
