I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
