Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
