you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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