Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
