He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
