yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
