I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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